A few days ago I found myself in the middle of an emotional storm. It was the kind of emotion that consumes your whole day without you even realizing it. A person I love was unhappy with decisions I had made, decisions which I didn’t think were problematic. This slowly bubbled into a volcanic eruption, one which I could not contain. At first I tried to explain, tried to bring everything back under control and to a happy state, but it was not working. As I felt my world turning upside down, I knew there was only one thing I could do. Let go and surrender to love.
There are times in our life where no matter how innocent our intentions are, the things we do or say upset someone. How important that person is to us determines how much we are affected. We always have a choice in life when dealing with situations like this, to choose love or to choose fear. It is easy to choose fear, in fact I believe that many of us are comfortable making choices out of fear. It seems to be the norm these days for people to try to control every outcome so that we end up where we think we should be. This is so with our careers, families and friendships. We can work so hard to get to a place we think we want to be and there is a sense of fear that if we do not control everything along the way, something will derail us off our chosen course. And how terrifying is that? Where will we end up if it’s not where we have decided we should be? This fear can lead us to fight any changes and cause great distress in our lives. It takes a great leap of faith in the unknown to find the love in a difficult situation and surrender to what is happening, to trust in that love.
Webster’s Dictionary defines “surrender” as:
- to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed
- to give the control or use of (something) to someone else
- to allow something (such as a habit or desire) to influence or control you
In my case, the person who was unhappy with my decisions was someone who I have incredible love for. Whether or not I agreed with them, I knew that I had to honor that love and surrender to the situation. The universe has odd ways of guiding and protecting us. When we choose fear and fight back, we can derail the beautiful and amazing journey that has been gifted to us. When we accept the gift, let go and let the current carry us, we can end up in some beautiful and unexpected places which we never could have designed for ourselves. We can also avoid some potential disasters by allowing rather than resisting. I like to think the universe is on all of our sides, if we just allow it.
A few days ago I was at my son’s t-ball game and as it was beginning, a mother walked up to the coach with her little boy, who was crying. She explained they were going home because he was not wanting to play that day. Even though he was standing right next to her, she talked as if he was not there. Her arm was around his shoulders as if to comfort him, but her words were not loving, more of disappointment mixed with frustration. As they walked past me, my heart felt for that little boy and I wished that I could comfort him. I immediately stopped and looked at my own son in the outfield. Yes, the one out in left field spitting in the dirt and picking it up to play with it. Just before that mother walked up I was watching my son who refused to run into the outfield with all the other boys, he just slowly stumbled out. He immediately took off his glove so he could fill it up with his spit rocks. I was far from proud and my mind was racing trying to figure out why he has no energy or focus. Is it gluten sensitivity? Is he allergic to pollen and it’s making him sleepy? What is wrong with my son?
A crying boy walked by me and I wanted to comfort him. My own son is entertaining himself and I wonder what is wrong with him, stress out about how I can help him, and end up being impatient with him because my obsessing over his behavior and health is exhausting me. I have chosen fear in raising my own son. I stress myself out when he is hyper, become frustrated when he doesn’t listen and worry when he is tired that there is something wrong causing him to be this way. I never thought to choose to focus on how much I love him; to not worry and that if something is wrong I cannot be afraid but trust that we will find answers in time. There is no need for my mind to constantly be trying to decide what is wrong with him, it is of no help for me to worry. It is actually destructive and harmful for me to worry and stress. It leaves me with little patience and feeling exhausted.
I am so incredibly lucky to be spending my life with a man who never worries. I am a perpetual worrier. From him I learn every day how pointless it is to worry. Won’t I still see the same doctors and get the same tests without the stress and exhaustion of worrying? Without me worrying won’t my son still get older and one day (hopefully) stop dropping gobs of spit in the dirt instead of playing the game with his team?
While it was easy for me to choose love in the first situation I described, it was more difficult for me to see that I was choosing fear and not love with my son. I know it will not be easy, but I must learn to choose love and to surrender to what is, rather than trying to control and fix everything I see that might be wrong with him. As mothers, our days are full of people who need us and important decisions to make for the health and well-being of our families. It is so important that we take care of ourselves by choosing to love and let go, preserving our energy so that we can be the best that we can be. Although it can be scary to let go, when we choose love only good things will come to us. You know the old saying “You get what you give.” When you give love, you receive love.
The video below contains a poem written by Rev. Safire Rose. I used to listen to it when I worked at an office job and felt myself trapped when I needed to break free. It reminded me to keep going by letting go and trusting the universe will provide for me when the time is right. And it totally did, and then some. Listen and see if it inspires you!
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